Make it or break it

Last week's full moon got most of us going. It was powerful and offered plenty of energy and determination if you needed it. I needed it to clean through energy thieves and messy ill-conceived agreements.

I, who never watch TV (I haven't and I also can't get the fandom started because I changed networks...I'm hopelessly bad at technology)... anyway, I've slipped into a series called in the original "Make it or break it" - in Swedish "We or never" in Swedish. The reason I watched the first episode was that Philip, coach and presenter, is an acquaintance and our paths have crossed a few times in the last 20-25 years. I got hooked on the show and felt that oboy, this was something EVERYONE needed to watch and learn from. Philip's calm coaching of these youngsters is so good. So good that I wished the series had been shown in high schools across the country. And besides, I wish I had received such coaching in my previous relationships.

Relationships. So hard. So exciting. So much cause for happiness and despair. I really can't say that I have experience of lifelong love. Our upbringing, our patterns, often cause it and we simply do not always meet people who can fulfill all the needs of ongoing life.

What perhaps stuck with me the most about Philips' coaching of the kids is really that simple. What are your expectations for the relationship? Do you have the same basic values? What needs do you have? What are your partner's needs? What agreements do you have between you to fulfill each other's needs? If I had a partner today, we would have talked about this. So exciting. Where are we really? What good tools to help talk about things you might not dare or have forgotten or think will be resolved. It does not. Not by itself.

The needs when you are 25-35 years old are perhaps a little different than those you have at my age. But what is so good to think about in every relationship, at every age, is honesty, clarity, communication, understanding, sensitivity. And giving is always more glorious than receiving.

At my age, when you have all the material things you need, the children are adults and you usually have a roof over your head and food on the table - it can be important to review what needs you have nowadays. The thing about moving together, sitting together, is no longer an option in my life. Freedom, joy, play, adventure, community, mischief, respect, longing - are some of my words for future relationships, short intense or slightly longer warm longing.

I think the three S's are a good benchmark: Conversation (most important, without good connection, goodbye). Sancerre (good, lovely, life). Sex (closeness, tenderness, a caress on the cheek, a warm look, a foot massage, can't live without). And if you, like me, eventually run into an Italian wine or olive farmer, a fourth S may come into the picture: Spaghetti. 

Do we need to stick to it more? Watch We or Never, learn from the kids. In addition, you get closer to your own kids by knowing how they think and act in their new, modern relationships. A lot of patterns come from us... oboy, help them break them!